What do you think, say and do when your children:
- Annoy and irritate you?
- Anger and provoke you?
- Shock and hurt you?
- Create worry and pity in you?
- Shake your confidence?
Are you looking for ways to gain cooperation with them? Would you like to understand how you could affect change without diminishing yourself or them? Want effective alternatives to harshness or permissiveness when facing poor behavior? The alternative we promote is a tool called Redirecting Negative Behavior.
As you watch this video clip, consider how common it is to pose a one-size-fits all approach to addressing poor behavior and how simplistic many people are regarding their reactions to it. We offer a much better option.
The Role of Encouragement
The first step we teach parents is that when you create a home life designed on a foundation of trustworthiness, effective communication, teamwork, development of leadership and internal motivation, and take adequate time to love, train, mentor, appreciate and encourage your children, the amount of misbehavior you experience from them is dramatically reduced.
And…despite your best efforts, negative behavior will occur because you or your children will succumb to being tired, hungry, provoked by circumstances and people, or otherwise find cause to get discouraged and misbehave. When this happens, parents need to respond in a manner that builds emotional and social intelligence and transforms negative behavior into opportunities for growth and healing. As parents model a new, effective way of responding to poor behavior, their children learn to do the same. LifeWork Systems has effective, emotionally intelligent and positive methods for shifting negative behavior in children and adults.
When misbehavior occurs, many parents do not know what to think, say or do to be effective when their children provoke the following feelings:
1. Annoyance and irritation. Your child whines, cracks a joke at an inopportune time, taps a pencil repeatedly, pulls on you while you are on the phone, asks unnecessary questions or otherwise annoys and irritates you.
2. Anger. Your child rebels and resists, provoking power struggles either with an attitude of “No I won’t; you can’t make me!” or “Yes you will; I can and will make you!”
3. Shock and hurt. Your child makes you think, “What did I/they do to deserve that?!” They do or say something that feels like a personal attack on you or others.
4. Worry and pity. Your child is the human version of Eyore? They assume “I can’t” and refuse to try. Their behavior communicates, “Just leave me alone”. They look and act pathetic. They under-perform and are frequently ill, isolated, and calamitous.
5. Uncertainty and inadequacy. Your child acts as if you are stupid and you feel tempted to say bad thing about, discount or criticize him or her. Their tone of voice and body language is disrespectful.
Most parents, in an effort to improve misbehavior, react and draw upon controlling, harsh, disrespectful and counterproductive methods, or they ignore and enable. Neither is helpful and both add greater discouragement, resulting in a negative spiral that leads to further challenges. When these do work, they only do so short-term to squelch behavior and they carry a high price tag.
Check out our online, audio, and live versions of our training and our Redirecting Negative Behavior bundle, including our phone app to make review and application effortless. We also have a series of articles on this topic.
LifeWork Systems provides abundant alternatives, tools and strategies that are not only effective at changing poor behavior, but resolves misbehavior at the root and improves the conditions and emotional intelligence of all who witness their use.