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Episode Title:  Spitting in the Soup

Overview:  This topic is designed to challenge basic norms we’ve held sacrosanct for centuries. These include four control models described in this episode as a widely promoted means to cultivate good citizenship in homes, schools, churches, and workplaces; really everywhere.  This episode helps listeners to recognize these as the impediments they are and that they need to be dismantled and replaced with a new model.

Questions to Ponder:

  1. Why do we have high addiction, suicide, obesity, violence, depression, anxiety, and disengagement in every setting? What are we missing?
  2. Why don’t the old systems work anymore? Did they ever really without serious negative side-effects?
  3. What do we replace the old systems with? 
  4. Why is this so difficult for people to do?

Episode Guest:  Terri Williams

Terri Williams is the former Mayor of Webster Groves who subsequently served as Executive Director of the Webster Groves/Shrewsbury Area Chamber of Commerce. She also worked for two St. Louis County Executives and sat on many boards and commissions over the years. Terri credits emotional intelligence skills and enhanced leadership tools became an integral part of her modus operandi because of the work of LifeWork Systems and Judy Ryan. Terri is and continues to function as a specialized part-time instructor especially with LifeWork Systems government clients. She is a champion for Judy and LifeWork Systems and credits much of her wisdom, knowledge, and experience to the influence and tutelage of Judy and her systems work.

Keywords:  Inferiority Complex, 4 Core Needs, Social Interest, Psychological Contracts, Role of Purpose, Emotional Intelligence

Episode Topics

Story of the 8th Grader: This story is a tale that demonstrates:

  • Intention: The importance of asking what a person wants (the student wanted peace with the school and teacher)
  • Task ownership
  • Transfer of responsibility to someone for their part- they own their tasks
  • Shifting victim-mindset to empowered
  • Fear is attack
  • When one gets responsible, others get more so too
  • Tools (even good ones) without the right context is harmful
  • How to see challenges as a new, constructive opportunity

Inferiority Complex: We feel unworthy or shame and go into uninterrupted struggles within ourselves and with others. 

Emotional Intelligence: What it is and why it matters. Judy shares the 4 EI skills (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management).

What Soup We are Spitting in: What are the conditions that need to be in place to become successfully emotionally intelligent. 

Introduction to the 4 Control Models, differences between being a boss vs. leader. Power within instead of power-over and power-under. What are the limiting beliefs for each of them. Management by intimidation. 

  • Autocratic
  • Rewards (old man story) 
  • Judgment
  • Pampering and Spoiling

Mind shift is Crucial: Without a different model, even great tools can be harmful.

Responsibility-Based Model: Power has been distorted and people become afraid of their power and the conversation. When you are going into the right direction, people will often resist.

There is no good-old-day. That is a misnomer. There was always win/lose and power/over – power/under

Change Process: Name the 4 stages. The importance of compassion and curiosity when hitting conscious incompetence. What system if it were put in place would fix or eliminate this problem

Convergence with Trends


There are 91 articles alone in the article category Extraordinary Culture. We also have a growing number of articles in industry articles (not our own) that show what is happening in the evolution of needed culture conditions in every setting. Dismantling Bullying Systems is the article referencing a 2006 story about the 8th-grade boy featured in the story within this podcast. Another fitting article for this topic is Task Ownership.