Help! I Dread Work and I’m the Boss!
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln The leadership style that starts in childhood is at the heart of why 55% of people are disengaged and 16% are actively...
It’s ALL About Customer Service… Or Is It?
“You’d corner me in your conformity but even in dormancy I’m sleeping with enormity, stretching the belly of the earth and everything I was born to be.” ― Curtis Tyrone Jones, a veteran, coach, motivational speaker, and author When I hear...
Mental Health: Creating Safe Spaces
“We have brains in order to get along with each other, to be with other people, to connect with other people. That’s really what we are fundamentally all about. And so, much of trauma is about a rupture of the safety of the people who are supposed to protect you and...
Unresolved Psychological Contracts
“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate.” ― Miguel Ruiz, Author, The Four Agreements A psychological contract is beliefs people...
Your Greatest Barrier Is Your Pain Tolerance
“…Sometimes I suspect that what had really happened was that we became more resigned, more cynical, raised our pain thresholds as we lowered our expectations. All in all, we settled for less.” Emma Donoghue, Playwright It’s no accident we often hear, “no pain,...
Can Love Be Here Too?
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” —Brené Brown As I work with clients on their personal and professional development or help friends and family who are working through issues, I find many people push...
Is There Any Gas Left In The Tank!?
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives...
Seize Opportunities Within the Great Resignation
“The true test of character is to live win-win even when promoted to positions where win-lose is possible.” ― Orrin Woodward If you search google, you’ll find The Great Resignation is defined as an informal name for the widespread trend of a significant number...
Episode 11 – Living the Life You Want
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In my work with clients, I often hear people say, “how can I motivate this person to do what they’re supposed to? They’re lazy. They’re unmotivated.” The truth is people are always motivated. They’re just not always motivated to do what YOU want them to do.
In this episode, Judy and her guest, Tara Gregor, founder and CEO of Breakwell, a resource hub for holistic wellness discuss a very different and highly effective approach to motivation. Old models and external motivation tactics simply don’t work anymore. So, if those don’t work, what does? Tune in to this podcast to learn a new approach.
Why Ditch Annual Performance Appraisals
“You can motivate by fear, and you can motivate by reward. But both of those methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation.” Homer Rice, a former American football player, coach, and college athletics administrator Today one of my instructors...
When Everything Falls to Pieces
“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free Without a stable foundation, all your hard work and dreams will crumble. Do you have the foundation you need when shift hits the fan? If...
Episode 8 – If Not Punishment, Then What?
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Episode 6 – When Everything Falls To Pieces
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Power Distance Index – Managing Relationships with Authority
“Some societies and religions have a tendency to expand the moral circle and to consider all humans as belonging to a single moral community.” Geert Hofstede, Social Psychologist I was re-reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers and he hit upon a theme I see a lot...
The Absence of Punishment in Our Schools
While this article is about schools, the information on trauma-informed and why use of punishment and rewards are counter-productive, is relevant not only in schools but in all organizations and to everyone within them. As is our practice when posting industry...
Spitting In The Soup
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People are always motivated. It’s not anyone’s job to motivate others. People can control themselves. They can do what’s right and don’t need approval or shaming to do so. They don’t need to be enabled. The problem is we don’t have faith in people nor do we know how to effectively teach them to pick up responsibility for things that are theirs to own. When we learn to do so, others can become accountable, caring and fully engaged, making a positive difference in your business.
Honesty is the Best Policy – or is it?
“Failure of an employee to speak up in a crucial moment cannot be seen. This is true whether that employee is on the front lines of customer service or sitting next to you in the executive board room. And because not offering an idea is an invisible act, it’s...
Why Transparency CAN Become a Bloodbath
“Killers aren’t always assassins. Sometimes, they don’t even have blood on their hands.” ~ Ruta Sepetys, Author I once knew a school teacher who quit her job teaching 8th graders (which she loved) to work for my company transforming school cultures where...
Managing Frustrations in a Frustrating World
“Face challenges, fear, and frustration by seeking out knowledge and opportunities for growth.” ~ Fanny Mairena Today’s leaders must be powerful without entering into the fray caused by frustration. They must refrain from the all-to-often ugly,...
Discarding the Monster Box
“A man who picks up a cat by its tail will learn a lesson he can learn no other way.” ~ Mark Twain Your business will improve if you remember some important facts. One is that we are all more alike than different. The other is that we must all put away the monster...
Is Love More Powerful Than Hate?
“You are a child of God. You’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” Marianne Williamson I often ask, “How many of you see struggles...
Breaking the Addiction to Approval
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Friedrich Nietzsche Someone recently asked...
Is Your Workplace Psychologically Safe?
“In general, only a child who feels safe dares to grow forward healthily. His safety needs must be gratified. He can’t be pushed ahead, because the ungratified safety needs will remain forever underground, always calling for satisfaction.” Abraham Maslow You see it...
Devil’s Advocate and Brutal Honesty
“Never play the Devil’s Advocate. Your words could be the difference between success and failure in someone else.” Ingrid Weir Too often I hear people say, “I’m going to play Devil’s advocate now” to which I quickly reply, “Please don’t. The Devil has too many...
The Crucial Role of Honor, Dignity and Respect
“Do the best that you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou All one has to do is turn on the news or get on social media to see that honoring oneself and one another and treating oneself and others with dignity and respect are...
Just Use Common Sense, Or Should You?
A woman was preparing a roast and as was her common practice she cut off both ends of it and threw them away. One day her husband asked, “Why do you always cut off the ends and throw them away?” to which she replied, “That’s how my mother always did it.” The man then...
When You Can’t Help or Fix A Relationship
Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus. ~ Unknown Sometimes we keep going to the circus because we don’t realize that’s where we are. Someone recently asked, “what would you tell a person going through a...
Meeting Our Needs and Those Of Others
Our Basic Social Needs: Belonging and Significance Beyond basic survival, we all want to experience a healthy sense of belonging and significance through our four core social needs: to feel powerful, lovable, connected and contributing. These four...
The Courage To Be Disliked
“When we least expect it, life sets up a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back....
5 Top Challenges In Today’s Workplace
“Culture lives in the collective hearts and habits of people and their shared perception of how things are to be done. The #1 advantage for the ‘organization of tomorrow’ is investing in a Human System that creates a NEW KIND OF TEAM in which people are motivated...
If Not Punishment, Then What?
Toxic Shame is a neurotic, irrational feeling of worthlessness, humiliation, self-loathing and paralyzing feeling that has been inflicted onto an individual through repeated, traumatic experiences often, but not always, rooted in childhood. When shame becomes...
When Winning Turns Into Losing
“How tricky is this ego that it would tempt us with a promise of something we already possess.” Jim Carrey My daughter, a practicing attorney, was recently offered a great job in a small boutique law firm and was enjoying the process of getting to know the staff,...
Emotional Presence: It’s Good Business!
“The affairs of the heart are directly connected to the brain and it’s theheart’s natural intelligence that must be unfolded for the brain to operate with greater efficiency.” Magical Child, Joseph Chilton Pearce, Plume, 1992 Imagine...
Embrace the Edge of the Unknown
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” Helen Keller For most business owners, living on the edge of the unknown is a familiar feeling...
Disengagement is Betrayal
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you...
Loved AND Lovable
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Elizabeth Appell In my work, I help people take the risk to blossom. I tell business leaders, employees, educators and parents that all people have...
Be Your Most Imaginal Self!
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Proverb Consider the following ellipses from the books “Butterfly,” by Norie Huddle, and “Waking the Global Heart,” by Anodea Judith. Caterpillars are consumers that eat non-stop. They...
Choose Helpful AND Harmless
“It always seems impossible until it is done” Nelson Mandela I often reflect on how many people are “checked out” at work, home, and school; they are suffering and barely surviving, rather than overcoming and thriving. The main reason for this...
Transforming Discouragement
“Inferiority feelings rule the mental life and can be clearly recognized in the sense of deficiency and dissatisfaction, and in uninterrupted struggles both within individuals and humanity.” Alfred Adler, Psychiatrist, 1870-1937 The Current Dilemma It’s clear that our...
Cruelest Three Words: “Get Over It!”
“The purpose of all relationships is to create a sacred context within which you can express the fullness of who you are.” Neale Donald Walsh In my work, the greatest setbacks and arrested development of people is connected with a preponderance of...
The Need for Patience & Reassurance
“It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even – or rather, especially – when we’d prefer not to be.” Josh Radnor,...
Does The World Need More of This?
“There is no neutral. We are either part of the problem or part of the solution.” Marianne Williamson A Crucial Question As we head into every new year, a really great question to consider as we think, speak and act at work and home is, “Does the...
When We Fear Consequences
“Don’t only practice your art, but force your way into its secrets, for it and knowledge, can raise men to the Divine.”Ludwig vonBeethoven One of the things I notice about many people (including myself) is that we often become paralyzed in our will because we fear...
Cover Story: Me Too: Unwrapping Abuse Systems
“An insight the size of a mustard seed is powerful enough to bring down a mountain-sized illusion that may be holding our lives together. Truth strikes without mercy. We fear our intuitions because we fear the transformational power within our revelations.”...
Perceptual Blindness
“Change blindness in the world of facts and knowledge is a problem. Sometimes we are exposed to new facts and simply filter them out. But more often we have to go out of our way in order to learn something new. Our blindness is not a failure to see the new fact; it’s...
The Preponderance of Neglect
“Most organizations don’t fall apart as a result of one big blow. Most relationships don’t end because of one grand argument. Most lives don’t fall to pieces due to one sad event. No, I suggest to you that sustained failure happens as the consequence of small,...
Why Are We So Stuck?
“One of the true tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.” Arnold H. Glasgow This is a challenging time to be American. On the one hand people are talking about recurrent themes such as inequality,...
Choose You
“Most men (and women) lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them.” Henry David Thoreau It’s difficult for many people, especially women, to choose themselves in their own lives and then they lead lives of quiet desperation. I have found...
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way” – “I Never Intended That…”
“If you own the story you get to write the ending.” Brene Brown “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.” George Bernard Shaw Why It’s Never Helpful to Say, “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way…” or “I Never...
What Does “I’m Right; You’re Wrong” Cost?
“Remember, we see the world not as it is but as we are. Most of us see through the eyes of our fears and our limiting beliefs and our false assumptions.” Robin S. Sharma “Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really...
Bridging Differences For Diversity & Inclusion Excellence!
“We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.” — Max de Pree, American...
You Make Sense & Deserve Compassion
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. Unknown What if you knew every reaction (and even what you fear are over-reactions) you experience is based on legitimate reasons and deserves caring attention and understanding...
It’s a Matter of Life and Death
Suicides and deaths due to addictions are rising to epidemic levels, especially among many considered the most privileged, those with greatest access to opportunity and often the most successful; middle-aged white males. They are dying at record numbers, not from...
Do You Control or Develop Your Staff?
“If you are building a culture where honest expectations are communicated and peer accountability is the norm, then the group will address poor performance and attitudes.” Henry Cloud Your greatest asset is a team of committed employees. When you are...
Work/Life Balance
What helps anyone, anytime, with almost anything? Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it! From the movie, “How Do You Know?” Watch and learn how you would do this more often. Click on the image below Judy Ryan provides clarity around the...
It Feels Real: Am I Being Punished?
“Children are great observers but poor interpreters.” Rudolf Dreikurs, parent educator, author and psychologist Why this feeling?When we were children, one of the ways we could create the illusion life was not careening out of control when scary or sad things...
Are You In Survival?
“The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather that upon mere survival.” Aristotle “There is no such thing as perpetual tranquility of mind while we live here; because life itself is but motion, and can never be without...
Are You Feeling Merry or Blocking Your Joy?
“Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we experience. In fact, addiction research shows us that an intensely positive experience is as likely to cause relapse as an intensely painful experience.”Brene Brown, Author and Researcher on Shame and...
Are You Building Capacity for Change?
“Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.” Jack Welch What is capacity building and how does it affect your ability to make positive changes? One of the most perplexing...
Are you Running Your Business from Fear or Freedom?
“Live your life like you use your GPS. Set a course for your destination, make sure your vehicle is in good shape, trust you’ll eventually arrive and be content with the next instruction without knowing what’s after.” Judy Ryan, CEO LifeWork Systems In my work, a...
Could Your Head Be Buried In The Sand?
“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.” Isaac Newton You’ve seen it happen to others and you may have already experienced it yourself: shocking setbacks in running your business. They’re shocking because one day...
You’re Not The Boss of Me!
“Trying to win a power struggle is like trying to win a nuclear war. You may achieve your goal, but not without catastrophic casualties on both sides.” Jamie Raser, Author of Raising Children You Can Live With A man I know refuses to wear his safety belt...
Creating a Life YOU Love
“Selfishness is a virtue, unless you think it must come at the expense of others. And why would anyone think that? Oh yeah, that’s what all the people who don’t “get it” told you.” Mike Dooley My purpose is to cause conditions in...
1. Straightforwardness: Dare I Tell it Like It Is?
The most important relationship to manage is with our self. A trustworthy person practices honesty, straightforwardness, respect, receptivity, recognition, keeping commitments, seeking excellence and disclosure, the eight values that build trust. Straightforwardness...
7. Follow-Through: Do I Mean What I Say?
“Intent without action will leave every word that I use to describe my intent as empty and best never said.” Craig D. Lounsbrough Imagine you ask someone to do something and they agree. You count on it, and then come to find they didn’t do it. How are you...
How Do I Deal With That Annoying Person?
“There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.” Mark Twain You know that person who cracks a joke at an inopportune moment? Taps their pen on the conference room desk? Stands at your door while you’re on the...
Reasons We Gossip & What To Do Instead
“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.” Steve Maraboli, Author, Life, the Truth, and Being Free Most people...
Why Are You So Mean?
“People are not mean to us because they don’t like us, but because they don’t like themselves.” Jodi Aman What Did I Do To Deserve that?! You know those times when out of the blue, someone does or says something that shocks and hurts you? In that moment, you’re...
Courage to be Imperfect
“Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.” Brené Brown Why are we the most addicted, medicated, overweight, and indebted society in history? Brene Brown, researcher, author and speaker on vulnerability, worthiness...
The Dysfunctional Bunch
“Creating chaos provides excitement for some people, especially those who are uneasy with silence, those who distract themselves from their own problems by focusing outward, those who feel empty inside and need to fill themselves up with activity, and those who were...
Who Do You Think You Are?!
Ever encounter those people you feel like asking, “Who died and made you God?” You resist supporting them, thinking and saying anything nice about or to them and even if you don’t generally gossip, they’re the ones you’re most likely to tear down (or rip apart!), and...
Are We Compatible?
Whether in business or personal relationships, a worthwhile question to ponder is what constitutes compatibility? I went to a lecture by Dr. Denbo, a local therapist, who posed this question. Most of the crowd said things like, “Common values,” “Common interests,” and...
Soul Mates
Like many of you, I’ve always wanted a soul mate – that wonderful partner who in their presence makes me feel connected and whole. The one who really gets me and who’s there for me through thick and thin, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in...
Longing for the Good Old Days?
“The good old days were never that good, believe me. The good new days are today, and better days are coming tomorrow. Our greatest songs are still unsung.” Hubert Humphrey “Why can’t we go back to the good old days when people knew how to behave?!” While I was...
How to Emotionally Handle Terminations
by Julia Paulus (referencing Judy Ryan and LifeWork Systems) SBM, March 2010 Getting fired is obviously difficult for an employee. But firing someone is also hard for owners and managers – probably one of the hardest things they ever have to do. This is especially...
Can a Team-Hater Engage Employees?
by Julia Paulus (referencing Judy Ryan and LifeWork Systems) SBM, March 2010 I don’t like teams. Back in school, I hated classes when we had to do group projects. My group was always the one where a couple of people did nothing and still got the grade. The same...
What Does it Take to Build Trust?
I’ve delivered many team building workshops to corporations, schools and parent groups in which I focus on the behaviors that build trust and those that don’t. One behavior destructive to any team is gossip and part of my program is an invitation to enter a mind trust...
Better to Give Than Receive?
We often hear the phrase, “It’s better to give than receive” but is it true? The truth is, it just feels safer to give. Without equal ability to receive, a relationship is defined and limited by a certain amount of fear and withholding. I discovered the significance...
Shift Enemies To Friends
Have you ever met someone you felt completely in sync with? Entrainment is a term used to express how the human body assumes a sympathetic response to stimuli much the way scientists have discovered that two heart cells put together in the same room begin to beat as...
Pause, Breathe and Check In
Thich Nhat Hahn, a well- known author and Buddhist monk says we are reluctant to visit the home of our self because we are loath to face the pain, sadness and fear we might encounter there. It’s true those emotions are often present. He also says that if we...
The Biggest Loser
The show “The Biggest Loser” is very popular. In it we see men and women who are determined to make monumental changes and are willing to embrace new habits and significant personal discomfort to do so. When I recently asked one of my friends what they...
No I Won’t, You Can’t Make Me!
Power Struggles: Opportunities for Connection Yes, we all know what it is to be in a power struggle, whether it’s with a parent, child, spouse, lover, friend or co-worker. Power struggles are fraught with tension, anger and provocation. The feeling on one or both...
Am I Selfish?
It’s important to ask, “What do I feel and what do I want?” When we neglect to take time to consider our choices we often commit self-betrayal, which then results in betrayal of others… A friend recently called me for advice. Every year her family eats a...
Did You Hear What I Meant to Say?
Have you ever thought you had an agreement or understanding with someone only to find you didn’t? You thought you were clear and direct in a request, and ended up disappointed. Or have you responded to a request, only to find someone frustrated with you? Could it be...
Connection: From Chaos to Community
Connection is to humans what water is to fish; a key to our existence and a cornerstone for our behavior. We are social beings and from infancy we make decisions and set goals in response to our social framework. In community, we make interpretations, then decisions...