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Codependency or Healthy Teamwork?

Codependency or Healthy Teamwork?

“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” ― Melody Beattie, Author, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for...
Your Cohesive Team

Your Cohesive Team

Coming together is a beginning.
Keeping together is progress.
Working together is success. Henry Ford Most people understand significant accomplishments can occur through teamwork, and yet few organizations get the results from their teams that they expect. Whether...
Is 2nd Place Really the 1st Loser? We Are All Equally Valuable

Is 2nd Place Really the 1st Loser? We Are All Equally Valuable

“The mysteries of the greater world, or macrocosm, are expressed or revealed in the lesser world, the microcosm. The tree, so to speak, is the greater world, and the seed in its relation to the tree is the lesser world. But the whole of the great tree is potentially...
Being Seen, Heard, and Understood

Being Seen, Heard, and Understood

Psychological safety, trauma-informed functioning, emotional intelligence, and mental health are common organizational focuses today. At the root of these are the need for a deep understanding and establishment of, conditions that foster peace, joy and love in people...
“I Don’t Feel Appreciated”

“I Don’t Feel Appreciated”

When I begin working with organizations, people frequently report that a significant challenge for them is a lack of appreciation. Leadership and front-line staff alike say they give their all and don’t always feel valued for their efforts. Many fear they are...
Mental Health: Creating Safe Spaces

Mental Health: Creating Safe Spaces

“We have brains in order to get along with each other, to be with other people, to connect with other people. That’s really what we are fundamentally all about. And so, much of trauma is about a rupture of the safety of the people who are supposed to protect you and...
Why Servant Leadership Can Sometimes Be Top Down

Why Servant Leadership Can Sometimes Be Top Down

“The goal of many leaders is to get people to think more highly of the leader. The goal of a great leader is to help people to think more highly of themselves.” ― J. Carla Nortcutt, Professor   When it comes to being human, no matter age, experience, title, or...
Complicity

Complicity

“The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people, but the silence over that by the good people.” Martin Luther King, Jr.   Someone cautioned me recently that I would offend people because I brought up toxic masculinity and that I should...
A Fool with a Tool is Still a Fool

A Fool with a Tool is Still a Fool

“A fool with a tool is still a fool.” Grady Booch, American Software Engineer   In any situation involving significant transformation, the most important change process is the one within, one’s mindset. In my 12-month culture transformation process people often...
Your Greatest Barrier Is Your Pain Tolerance

Your Greatest Barrier Is Your Pain Tolerance

“…Sometimes I suspect that what had really happened was that we became more resigned, more cynical, raised our pain thresholds as we lowered our expectations. All in all, we settled for less.” Emma Donoghue, Playwright   It’s no accident we often hear, “no pain,...
Can Love Be Here Too?

Can Love Be Here Too?

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” —Brené Brown As I work with clients on their personal and professional development or help friends and family who are working through issues, I find many people push...
Seize Opportunities Within the Great Resignation

Seize Opportunities Within the Great Resignation

“The true test of character is to live win-win even when promoted to positions where win-lose is possible.” ― Orrin Woodward   If you search google, you’ll find The Great Resignation is defined as an informal name for the widespread trend of a significant number...
Shifting Social Power Relations

Shifting Social Power Relations

“To reflect upon the present as history is to understand that history may now be made by default. Understanding that, we no longer need accept as “necessary” the lesser evil. We no longer need to accept historical fate, for fate is a feature of specific kinds of...
The Danger in Larger-Than-Life Heroes

The Danger in Larger-Than-Life Heroes

“The danger in larger-than-life heroes is that many get affixed to their perceived status and achievements to the cost of themselves and others.” Judy Ryan, CEO LifeWork Systems I have met leaders who have accomplished great things. They have turned around...
An Inclusive Culture is a Winning Culture

An Inclusive Culture is a Winning Culture

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”                           ~Martin Luther King, Jr   What a noteworthy time to be a business leader, witnessing...
Are Your People High Performing? 

Are Your People High Performing? 

“Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships.” Michael Jordan “You can motivate by fear, and you can motivate by reward. But both those methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation.” Homer Rice As a business leader, you...
Mentoring to Develop Your People

Mentoring to Develop Your People

 “Your most important task as a leader is to teach people how to think and ask the right questions so that the world doesn’t go to hell if you take a day off”  Jeffrey Pfeffer   In our culture transformation model, a key concept is ongoing monthly mentoring to...
S.L.A.M. Say Less; Ask More

S.L.A.M. Say Less; Ask More

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton, a novelist Many people confuse leading people with managing people and caring for or loving people with worry or concern for them. When we worry about another...
Power Distance Index – Managing Relationships with Authority

Power Distance Index – Managing Relationships with Authority

“Some societies and religions have a tendency to expand the moral circle and to consider all humans as belonging to a single moral community.” Geert Hofstede, Social Psychologist I was re-reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers and he hit upon a theme I see a lot...
Globalization – Embracing Our Oneness

Globalization – Embracing Our Oneness

“Accordingly, globalization is not only something that will concern and threaten us in the future, but something that is taking place in the present and to which we must first open our eyes.”      Ulrich Beck, German Sociologist and Social Scientist I am writing this...
The Path (Back) to Being Authentic

The Path (Back) to Being Authentic

“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their...
Engaging People In Life and Work

Engaging People In Life and Work

“Personal power is the ability to stand on your own two feet with a smile on your face in the middle of a universe that contains a million ways to crush you.” ― J.Z. Colby, Journey As a business leader, you don’t want to be one of those million ways to crush people....
Honesty is the Best Policy – or is it?

Honesty is the Best Policy – or is it?

“Failure of an employee to speak up in a crucial moment cannot be seen. This is true whether that employee is on the front lines of customer service or sitting next to you in the executive board room. And because not offering an idea is an invisible act, it’s...
Why Transparency CAN Become a Bloodbath

Why Transparency CAN Become a Bloodbath

“Killers aren’t always assassins. Sometimes, they don’t even have blood on their hands.”   ~ Ruta Sepetys, Author I once knew a school teacher who quit her job teaching 8th graders (which she loved) to work for my company transforming school cultures where...
Managing Frustrations in a Frustrating World

Managing Frustrations in a Frustrating World

“Face challenges, fear, and frustration by seeking out knowledge and opportunities for growth.”  ~ Fanny Mairena Today’s leaders must be powerful without entering into the fray caused by frustration. They must refrain from the all-to-often ugly,...
Discarding the Monster Box

Discarding the Monster Box

“A man who picks up a cat by its tail will learn a lesson he can learn no other way.”     ~ Mark Twain Your business will improve if you remember some important facts. One is that we are all more alike than different. The other is that we must all put away the monster...
Is Love More Powerful Than Hate?

Is Love More Powerful Than Hate?

“You are a child of God. You’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”                          Marianne Williamson I often ask, “How many of you see struggles...
Breaking the Addiction to Approval

Breaking the Addiction to Approval

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Friedrich Nietzsche Someone recently asked...
Is Your Workplace Psychologically Safe?

Is Your Workplace Psychologically Safe?

“In general, only a child who feels safe dares to grow forward healthily. His safety needs must be gratified. He can’t be pushed ahead, because the ungratified safety needs will remain forever underground, always calling for satisfaction.” Abraham Maslow You see it...
Devil’s Advocate and Brutal Honesty

Devil’s Advocate and Brutal Honesty

“Never play the Devil’s Advocate. Your words could be the difference between success and failure in someone else.”  Ingrid Weir Too often I hear people say, “I’m going to play Devil’s advocate now” to which I quickly reply, “Please don’t. The Devil has too many...
The Crucial Role of Honor, Dignity and Respect

The Crucial Role of Honor, Dignity and Respect

“Do the best that you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou All one has to do is turn on the news or get on social media to see that honoring oneself and one another and treating oneself and others with dignity and respect are...
Just Use Common Sense, Or Should You?

Just Use Common Sense, Or Should You?

A woman was preparing a roast and as was her common practice she cut off both ends of it and threw them away. One day her husband asked, “Why do you always cut off the ends and throw them away?” to which she replied, “That’s how my mother always did it.” The man then...
When You Can’t Help or Fix A Relationship

When You Can’t Help or Fix A Relationship

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus. ~ Unknown Sometimes we keep going to the circus because we don’t realize that’s where we are. Someone recently asked, “what would you tell a person going through a...
Kinds Of People You Need

Kinds Of People You Need

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.” Harry Truman No matter what your role, you have an important mission and vision to fulfill at both work and home. You also...
Meeting Our Needs and Those Of Others

Meeting Our Needs and Those Of Others

Our Basic Social Needs: Belonging and Significance Beyond basic survival, we all want to experience a healthy sense of belonging and significance through our four core social needs: to  feel powerful, lovable, connected and contributing. These four...
The Courage To Be Disliked

The Courage To Be Disliked

“When we least expect it, life sets up a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back....
Your Secret Weapon: Informal Influencers

Your Secret Weapon: Informal Influencers

To get these influencers to model the desired behaviour, you need their buy-in. Gather them together for a closed-door session and explain why their role is crucial. Often, it just takes an open conversation to help them understand the new cultural changes. If they...
Advantages of Cross-Functional Teamwork

Advantages of Cross-Functional Teamwork

One of the biggest challenges leaders face, according to Deloitte, is organizational design. Specifically, redesigning their structures through teams. The line and block hierarchy found on a company org chart isn’t how work actually gets accomplished. Let’s face it,...
Reciprocal Care in Hierarchical Exchange

Reciprocal Care in Hierarchical Exchange

Leaders play a key role in creating a work environment that enables employees to fulfill their creative and innovative potential, generate new ideas, and implement those ideas. This is a challenging task because generating and developing novel ideas often involve...
The Ideal Millennial Work Environment

The Ideal Millennial Work Environment

There are a number of things that guide millennials in the workplace. They want to be happier than their parents, find more purposeful work and work with better companies. Millennials want their companies to align with their values. But with all these desires, what...
If Not Punishment, Then What?

If Not Punishment, Then What?

Toxic Shame is a neurotic, irrational feeling of worthlessness, humiliation, self-loathing and paralyzing feeling that has been inflicted onto an individual through repeated, traumatic experiences often, but not always, rooted in childhood.   When shame becomes...
How Can I Motivate Them?

How Can I Motivate Them?

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”      John Quincy Adams In my work with clients, I often hear, “How can I motivate this person to do what they’re supposed to? They’re lazy. They’re...
Emotional Presence: It’s Good Business!

Emotional Presence: It’s Good Business!

“The affairs of the heart are directly connected to the brain and it’s theheart’s natural intelligence that must be unfolded for the brain to operate with greater efficiency.”         Magical Child, Joseph Chilton Pearce, Plume, 1992 Imagine...
Disengagement is Betrayal

Disengagement is Betrayal

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you...
Encouragement vs. Praise

Encouragement vs. Praise

“Humans need encouragement much like plants need water… We constantly encourage or discourage those around us and thereby contribute materially to their greater or lesser ability to function.” Rudolf Dreikurs, Author, Psychologist Discouraged people are those most in...
Loved AND Lovable

Loved AND Lovable

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Elizabeth Appell In my work, I help people take the risk to blossom. I tell business leaders, employees, educators and parents that all people have...
Be Your Most Imaginal Self!

Be Your Most Imaginal Self!

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Proverb Consider the following ellipses from the books “Butterfly,” by Norie Huddle, and “Waking the Global Heart,” by Anodea Judith. Caterpillars are consumers that eat non-stop. They...
Choose Helpful AND Harmless

Choose Helpful AND Harmless

“It always seems impossible until it is done”   Nelson Mandela I often reflect on how many people are “checked out” at work, home, and school; they are suffering and barely surviving, rather than overcoming and thriving. The main reason for this...
Get More Selfish!

Get More Selfish!

“Whether you believe it a moral imperative or enlightened self-interest, securing the conditions that will lead to a healthy, prosperous future for everyone is a goal I believe we all share.” Bill Gates We are often appalled by selfish people. They grasp...
Your Powerful Agreements

Your Powerful Agreements

“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive –to be alive and express what we really are. Just being our self is the biggest fear of humans.” Don Miguel Ruiz  “There is no neutral. We are either part of the...
I Can’t be a Good Boss & a Friend too

I Can’t be a Good Boss & a Friend too

“To power up the whole system involves learning to bring the heart and mind into a creative joint venture. Heart intelligence supplies balanced strength and allows more of one’s individual spirit — the passionate actualization of one’s core values...
Men & Women Leading Together

Men & Women Leading Together

“In the end, what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.”     Martin Luther King, Jr. I sent a TED talk to a male friend, entitled Violence Against Women; it’s a Men’s Issue, by Jackson Katz. I was deeply...
The Need for Patience & Reassurance

The Need for Patience & Reassurance

“It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even – or rather, especially – when we’d prefer not to be.” Josh Radnor,...
The Power of Mentoring

The Power of Mentoring

“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.” ― Plato “The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be...
Does The World Need More of This?

Does The World Need More of This?

“There is no neutral. We are either part of the problem or part of the solution.”    Marianne Williamson A Crucial Question As we head into every new year, a really great question to consider as we think, speak and act at work and home is, “Does the...
Successfully Navigate The Future

Successfully Navigate The Future

“The most exciting breakthroughs of the twenty-first century will not occur because of technology, but because of an expanding concept of what it means to be human.”   John Naisbitt Whether you welcome or resist it, change is happening at the speed of...
5 Articles That Reveal The Real Value of Employee Engagement

5 Articles That Reveal The Real Value of Employee Engagement

“The challenge is to see engagement not as a one-off activity, but as a holistic view of the employee experience… That means everything from the first moment the person applies for a job all the way through to managing work schedules, getting performance reviews, and...
Why Are We So Stuck?

Why Are We So Stuck?

“One of the true tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.”   Arnold H. Glasgow This is a challenging time to be American. On the one hand people are talking about recurrent themes such as inequality,...
Leader-Follower Agility Is Crucial

Leader-Follower Agility Is Crucial

“Innovation is key. Only those who have the agility to change with the market and innovate quickly will survive.” Robert Kiyosaki “Success today requires the agility and drive to constantly rethink, reinvigorate, react, and reinvent.” Bill Gates Change is happening...
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way” – “I Never Intended That…”

“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way” – “I Never Intended That…”

“If you own the story you get to write the ending.” Brene Brown   “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.” George Bernard Shaw Why It’s Never Helpful to Say, “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way…” or “I Never...
Is My Business Agile?

Is My Business Agile?

“I submit that there must be a commitment to, practice of, and execution of professional common behaviors and the presence of highly communicated standardized organizational expectations – without which there are no supports upon which the Agile/SAFe bar can be...
What Does “I’m Right; You’re Wrong” Cost?

What Does “I’m Right; You’re Wrong” Cost?

“Remember, we see the world not as it is but as we are. Most of us see through the eyes of our fears and our limiting beliefs and our false assumptions.” Robin S. Sharma “Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really...
Bridging Differences For Diversity & Inclusion Excellence!

Bridging Differences For Diversity & Inclusion Excellence!

“We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.” — Max de Pree, American...
What’s Love Got to Do With It?

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Whether we want to associate love with our businesses or not, the presence of love or the lack of it, plays a powerful role in our ROI. It affects our profitability, health, employee engagement, teamwork, customer satisfaction; all of what makes a business successful....
You Make Sense & Deserve Compassion

You Make Sense & Deserve Compassion

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.   Unknown What if you knew every reaction (and even what you fear are over-reactions) you experience is based on legitimate reasons and deserves caring attention and understanding...
Do You (Really) Believe in Win/Win?

Do You (Really) Believe in Win/Win?

“Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone, and you will be surprised what a happy life you will lead.” Charles M. Schwab When most people are asked if they believe in and want win/win, they answer with the obvious, “yes.” The challenge is that...
Don’t Hold Up Progress

Don’t Hold Up Progress

“Success on any major scale requires you to accept responsibility . . .  In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful people have is the ability to take on responsibility.” Michael Korda “Accountability separates the wishers in life...
Are you Strategically Aligned?

Are you Strategically Aligned?

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau What many business owners fail to realize is that if employees...
Help People Conceive, Believe, & Achieve

Help People Conceive, Believe, & Achieve

The difference between an idea and a commitment is the difference between knowing about a new tool and using it in your everyday life as a new habit and way of operating. The greatest challenge many of my clients encounter as they improve their workplace culture is to...
What is Social Interest? Does it Matter?

What is Social Interest? Does it Matter?

Think of people you know and admire a lot. What qualities do you like most about them? How do they make you feel? Chances are they are people who banish inferiority feelings in others and cause a positive experience instead. They have social interest. “Inferiority...
Power Over? Power Under? Power Within!

Power Over? Power Under? Power Within!

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” Nelson Mandela   I was born and raised in Ferguson, MO and recent events there have provided an opportunity to write on beliefs...
Building Caring Connections

Building Caring Connections

“Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”   Theodore Roosevelt “Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.”    Harold Kushner   I frequently meet people who want to experience...
Could Your Head Be Buried In The Sand?

Could Your Head Be Buried In The Sand?

“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.” Isaac Newton     You’ve seen it happen to others and you may have already experienced it yourself: shocking setbacks in running your business.   They’re shocking because one day...
A Happy Community Works, Plays, & Serves Together

A Happy Community Works, Plays, & Serves Together

A Happy Community Works, Plays, & Serves. Leaders determine the happiness of their workplace community. When you think of a happy community, you likely picture good team players that pitch in, are positive and manage themselves well, including their relationships,...
You’re Not The Boss of Me!

You’re Not The Boss of Me!

“Trying to win a power struggle is like trying to win a nuclear war. You may achieve your goal, but not without catastrophic casualties on both sides.” Jamie Raser, Author of Raising Children You Can Live With   A man I know refuses to wear his safety belt...
Key to Your Joy: Honor Your Sensitivity

Key to Your Joy: Honor Your Sensitivity

“To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness…Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.” Anthon St. Maarten, Author  ...
Part 1 of 5 – Gathering Requirements

Part 1 of 5 – Gathering Requirements

You successfully started your business and now it’s growing. You may be wondering, “Are we as productive as we could be despite the fact we’re hiring more people?” It’s not enough to run and grow your business.  Your ability to sustain wellbeing is key to your...
Get Along. Get Inspired. Get Results.

Get Along. Get Inspired. Get Results.

“Before one can hit a grand-slam home run, it first requires singles, doubles or triples.” Unknown   Every business owner sets up their organization with high hopes and a dream of making a difference, yet all the great ideas and intentions to provide quality...
Redirecting Negative Behavior

Redirecting Negative Behavior

“A misbehaving person is a discouraged person.” ~ Dr. Rudulf Dreikurs Are you challenged by poor behavior? Could it be discouragement despite appearances? What thoughts do you think, words do you say to and about them, and what do you do when others: Annoy and...
Holding Others Accountable

Holding Others Accountable

“The committed heart finds a way. The uncommitted heart finds an excuse.” Unknown Your daughter or son agrees to complete a chore and you arrive home only to find it incomplete once again. You ask one of your employees to contribute an important section of your team...
Being Trustworthy Isn’t Building Trust

Being Trustworthy Isn’t Building Trust

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Stephen R. Covey I teach and consult on the importance of the following eight values that build trust: honesty,...
Let’s Break a Rule: the 20/80 Rule

Let’s Break a Rule: the 20/80 Rule

“We all have burdens and we need to learn to carry each other’s burdens, lighten each other’s load.”     Ann Romney Improve Your Employee AND Customer Satisfaction Your customer satisfaction is directly tied to your employee satisfaction. Your employee...
Cover Story on Culture Change

Cover Story on Culture Change

“Culture does not change because we desire to change it. Culture changes when the organization is transformed – the culture reflects the realities of people working together everyday.” Frances Hesselbein A Focus on Shifting Company Culture at KolbeCo Pays Off Many...
It Takes a Village

It Takes a Village

“Everybody in a village had a role to play in bringing up a child—and cherishing it—and in return that child would in due course feel responsible for everybody in that village. That is what makes life in society possible. We must love one another and help one another...
Are You a Leader Others Follow?

Are You a Leader Others Follow?

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” John Quincy Adams   Your role is THE determining factor in whether you drive and sustain positive change   What is YOUR transformation process...
1. Straightforwardness: Dare I Tell it Like It Is?

1. Straightforwardness: Dare I Tell it Like It Is?

The most important relationship to manage is with our self. A trustworthy person practices honesty, straightforwardness, respect, receptivity, recognition, keeping commitments, seeking excellence and disclosure, the eight values that build trust. Straightforwardness...
2. Honesty: Don’t Play Others, Don’t Play You!

2. Honesty: Don’t Play Others, Don’t Play You!

“When you face a choice between being polite and being honest, err on the side of the truth. It’s better to be disliked but respected than to be liked and disrespected. In the long run, the people we trust the most are those who have the courage to be sincere.” Adam...
3. Receptivity: Are You Receptive?

3. Receptivity: Are You Receptive?

“Receptivity and sensitiveness are what makes one’s behavior endearing and enriching. Do not try to thrust your likes and dislikes on others. Try instead, to find out what those around would expect from you and where you can possibly contribute. Rather than...
4. Disclosure: Will You Show Us Who YOU Are?

4. Disclosure: Will You Show Us Who YOU Are?

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” Brené Brown, Author, Speaker   I teach eight values needed to build trust: honesty, straightforwardness, respect, receptivity, recognition, keeping commitments, seeking excellence and disclosure. Disclosure, the...
5. Respect: Valuing Unconditionally

5. Respect: Valuing Unconditionally

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.” ― Confucius   This article on respect is the seventh in my series on the eight values that build trust. I always pair the word respect with mutual because one is not possible without the other.  In my work with...
6. Recognition: Why is Recognition Important To Trust?

6. Recognition: Why is Recognition Important To Trust?

“If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” Fred Rogers   I have been...
7. Follow-Through: Do I Mean What I Say?

7. Follow-Through: Do I Mean What I Say?

“Intent without action will leave every word that I use to describe my intent as empty and best never said.”  Craig D. Lounsbrough   Imagine you ask someone to do something and they agree. You count on it, and then come to find they didn’t do it. How are you...
Why Are You Here?

Why Are You Here?

“Believe in your heart that you’re meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles.” Roy T. Bennett, Author, The Light in the Heart   You’re challenged by a co-worker, client, friend or child; you’re up against physical, social, financial...
How Do I Deal With That Annoying Person?

How Do I Deal With That Annoying Person?

“There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.” Mark Twain   You know that person who cracks a joke at an inopportune moment? Taps their pen on the conference room desk? Stands at your door while you’re on the...
Reasons We Gossip & What To Do Instead

Reasons We Gossip & What To Do Instead

“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.” Steve Maraboli, Author, Life, the Truth, and Being Free Most people...
Why Are You So Mean?

Why Are You So Mean?

“People are not mean to us because they don’t like us, but because they don’t like themselves.” Jodi Aman What Did I Do To Deserve that?! You know those times when out of the blue, someone does or says something that shocks and hurts you? In that moment, you’re...
Kinds of People I Need

Kinds of People I Need

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”  Harry Truman An important question to consider is, “What kinds of people do I need and want to achieve my mission and...
The Dysfunctional Bunch

The Dysfunctional Bunch

“Creating chaos provides excitement for some people, especially those who are uneasy with silence, those who distract themselves from their own problems by focusing outward, those who feel empty inside and need to fill themselves up with activity, and those who were...
Who Do You Think You Are?!

Who Do You Think You Are?!

Ever encounter those people you feel like asking, “Who died and made you God?” You resist supporting them, thinking and saying anything nice about or to them and even if you don’t generally gossip, they’re the ones you’re most likely to tear down (or rip apart!), and...
Are We Compatible?

Are We Compatible?

Whether in business or personal relationships, a worthwhile question to ponder is what constitutes compatibility? I went to a lecture by Dr. Denbo, a local therapist, who posed this question. Most of the crowd said things like, “Common values,” “Common interests,” and...
Soul Mates

Soul Mates

Like many of you, I’ve always wanted a soul mate – that wonderful partner who in their presence makes me feel connected and whole. The one who really gets me and who’s there for me through thick and thin, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in...
How do I Make All-Stars?

How do I Make All-Stars?

by Julia Paulus (referencing Judy Ryan and LifeWork Systems) SBM, March 2010 My biggest all-star employee just left the company to work for a competitor.  He was efficient, virtually mistake-free and energetic.  When he left, he took with him a bunch of...
Can a Team-Hater Engage Employees?

Can a Team-Hater Engage Employees?

by Julia Paulus (referencing Judy Ryan and LifeWork Systems) SBM, March 2010 I don’t like teams.  Back in school, I hated classes when we had to do group projects.  My group was always the one where a couple of people did nothing and still got the grade.  The same...
Game-Changing Appreciative Inquiry

Game-Changing Appreciative Inquiry

Imagine two scenarios both involving a couple struggling in their relationship and seeking marriage counseling. In the first instance, the couple is asked questions centering on their problems, including their origin and possible solutions. While this traditional...
What Does it Take to Build Trust?

What Does it Take to Build Trust?

I’ve delivered many team building workshops to corporations, schools and parent groups in which I focus on the behaviors that build trust and those that don’t. One behavior destructive to any team is gossip and part of my program is an invitation to enter a mind trust...
Better to Give Than Receive?

Better to Give Than Receive?

We often hear the phrase, “It’s better to give than receive” but is it true? The truth is, it just feels safer to give. Without equal ability to receive, a relationship is defined and limited by a certain amount of fear and withholding. I discovered the significance...
Shift Enemies To Friends

Shift Enemies To Friends

Have you ever met someone you felt completely in sync with? Entrainment is a term used to express how the human body assumes a sympathetic response to stimuli much the way scientists have discovered that two heart cells put together in the same room begin to beat as...
Pause, Breathe and Check In

Pause, Breathe and Check In

Thich Nhat Hahn, a well- known author and Buddhist monk says we are reluctant to visit the home of our self because we are loath to face the pain, sadness and fear we might encounter there. It’s true those emotions are often present. He also says that if we...
The Biggest Loser

The Biggest Loser

The show “The Biggest Loser” is very popular. In it we see men and women who are determined to make monumental changes and are willing to embrace new habits and significant personal discomfort to do so. When I recently asked one of my friends what they...
Reality & Realist: An Idealist’s Perspective

Reality & Realist: An Idealist’s Perspective

We give and receive negative behavior based in fear and doubt every day. That’s part of our humanness. Being an idealist in the face of this behavior doesn’t mean we act as if we’ve had a lobotomy or bury our heads in the sand. Being spiritual and...
No I Won’t, You Can’t Make Me!

No I Won’t, You Can’t Make Me!

Power Struggles: Opportunities for Connection Yes, we all know what it is to be in a power struggle, whether it’s with a parent, child, spouse, lover, friend or co-worker. Power struggles are fraught with tension, anger and provocation. The feeling on one or both...
I Want.  What Will I Do?

I Want. What Will I Do?

What do I want and what am I willing to do? These are powerful questions that make up the internal dialog of those who have embraced intrinsic motivation; the process of identifying and expressing what one most loves. These are questions of courage, exploration and...
What & Why Emotional Intelligence

What & Why Emotional Intelligence

We hear a lot of buzz these days about the importance of emotional intelligence (EI).  What exactly is “emotional intelligence” and why do we need it? There are 4 main components: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management....
Commitment

Commitment

“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and...
Am I Selfish?

Am I Selfish?

It’s important to ask, “What do I feel and what do I want?” When we neglect to take time to consider our choices we often commit self-betrayal, which then results in betrayal of others… A friend recently called me for advice. Every year her family eats a...
Organized Chaos on Purpose

Organized Chaos on Purpose

As a child deeply in love with nature, living on the edge of a park, and the 5th child of 6, I knew a lot about chaos, the beautiful, free, creative and exhilarating kind. Starting out free to explore, school at age 5 felt like bitter confinement and at times crushing...
Did You Hear What I Meant to Say?

Did You Hear What I Meant to Say?

Have you ever thought you had an agreement or understanding with someone only to find you didn’t? You thought you were clear and direct in a request, and ended up disappointed. Or have you responded to a request, only to find someone frustrated with you? Could it be...
Connection: From Chaos to Community

Connection: From Chaos to Community

Connection is to humans what water is to fish; a key to our existence and a cornerstone for our behavior.  We are social beings and from infancy we make decisions and set goals in response to our social framework.  In community, we make interpretations, then decisions...
Dismantling Bullying Systems

Dismantling Bullying Systems

(The story in this article may be an example involving students, but the message for the workplace is just as relevant) “As long as victims and bullies see themselves in diametrically opposed positions, (and they will if we don’t focus on the systems rather than...