Channel 4 TV Great Day St. Louis → on Healing Strained Relationships

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This TV interview describes the importance of understanding and nurturing social and emotional intelligence so that everyone becomes able to be self-aware, self-managing, aware of the interpersonal dynamics and able to manage relationships.

Interview Transcript

welcome back to great day st. Louis it’s hard to heal a strained relationship whether you’ve had a fight with a friend or your marriage is going through a rough patch where do you start here with advice for getting a relationship back on track is life coach judy ryan Tunney good morning welcome back to you thank you we’re just talking a little bit about this during the break you’ve got right out of the gate we’re going to talk about some of the common things that put a strain on a relationship and I was commenting on how none of these things are things that our partner is doing exactly these are all things that we’re sort of bringing to the test that’s the that’s the wisest thing you could could know one of the things that we do that cause so many strains in our life is to not be aware of what’s going on within ourselves and you hear a lot about emotional intelligence most people don’t really know what that is but emotional intelligence is simply being self-aware being able to manage yourself being aware of others and being able to manage the relationship with others and so a lot of times we’re reacting and we’re retaliating and we’re taking things personally rather than just being aware that we’re triggered so in it doesn’t even have to be somebody we’re close to it could be somebody in the grocery store or somebody in the know on the street it’s a lot of it is the words you choose the language you use I guess when you start to have these conversations when we’re reactive we tend to speak too quickly we tend to speak from a problem orientation instead of really settling down and coming from that place of wholeness within ourselves okay so that step one is think about how you’re approaching the conversation right but then we need some tips to try to if we really are going through a rough patch we got to find a way to get this thing back on track yes yes well one of the things that helps when you slow down is to get focused on your intention intention is actually one of the Larian psychology tips that I want to give is that intention equals results so what you can know is that if I get a certain result I have a certain intention so let’s say you’re going out with your wife and you decide we’re gonna have this wonderful romantic evening but you end up in a fight and you’re sleeping on the couch so yeah that would ever have your intention might have been to have a really close evening but if your result is that you had a fight and you end up in a distance it just means that something became more important to you like being right in an argument or something so you want to be clear about if I’m not getting the result I want step back and take a look at our intention and that’s a hopeful I like the possibility of and this is just just sort of getting the right mindset I think but you mentioned thinking back to when the relationship was young well yeah first mad when you were sort of falling in love how does how does that help with the here in the now yes when your a great question appreciative questions you can ask yourself are when was I happiest with this person what was it that made me want to be connected to them in the first place what was working what are the stories of that how did I feel what was I saying about this person what were they saying about me and others saying about us whether it’s romantic or friendship but another question could be what is working what’s good about the relationship even though it’s in a bit of a strain and a really helpful forward thinking question is what would this relationship look like at its best so that I can pull it back on track medical doctors like to tell us that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure I guess this same could be said in relationships preventing these problems in the first place yes and one of them is to notice when there’s a strain to be willing to check in regularly to even see if there is one Jack Canfield is the person I heard this from first he would ask his wife hey tell me what you would give our relationship on a scale of 1 to 10 he kept his relationship healthy because if it wasn’t at an if he’d say if she’d say a 7 or an 8 he’d say what would make it a 10 for you and that’s loaded with information and I tell parents to ask their kids that in teachers dance their students that you know what would make it a ton and then another another important point would be to make sure that when there is strain that you don’t avoid the elephant in the room and that if you have trouble communicating through the issue get the help you need so that you’re communicating effectively we never address it it’s never going to say building right make a lot of sense easier said than done but we got to try Judy thank you very much good stuff we posted a link to Judy’s website on our website great day st. Louis calm thanks for stopping by

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