Being Seen, Heard, and Understood
Psychological safety, trauma-informed functioning, emotional intelligence, and mental health are common organizational focuses today. At the root of these are the need for a deep understanding and establishment of, conditions that foster peace, joy and love in people...
“You Need to EARN My Trust!” Are You Sure?
Many faulty beliefs go unquestioned and the notion of earning trust before it is given is one of those. Others do not need to earn your trust. Rather, the trust you need earn is that which you must find within yourself. Trusting yourself requires self-confidence such...
Mental Health: Creating Safe Spaces
“We have brains in order to get along with each other, to be with other people, to connect with other people. That’s really what we are fundamentally all about. And so, much of trauma is about a rupture of the safety of the people who are supposed to protect you and...
Shame: Don’t Kill the Messenger!
“Each and every time the grace of devastation enters our reality, we have an equal opportunity to either cement the falsehood of limiting beliefs or to allow limiting beliefs to melt away by walking through the fire of our most epic disaster.” Matt Kahn, Author of...
Do I Care Enough to Risk Losing You?
“Many of us live in denial of who we truly are because we fear losing someone or something-and there are times that if we don’t rock the boat, too often the one we lose is ourselves…It feels good to be accepted, loved, and approved of by others, but often...
Manipulation
“Arriving at the destination is more than just having the map.” Judy Ryan, CEO LifeWork Systems Manipulation has gotten a bad rap. We often feel insulted and become defensive when we or someone we love is described as manipulative. The common belief is that...
A Fool with a Tool is Still a Fool
“A fool with a tool is still a fool.” Grady Booch, American Software Engineer In any situation involving significant transformation, the most important change process is the one within, one’s mindset. In my 12-month culture transformation process people often...
Your Greatest Barrier Is Your Pain Tolerance
“…Sometimes I suspect that what had really happened was that we became more resigned, more cynical, raised our pain thresholds as we lowered our expectations. All in all, we settled for less.” Emma Donoghue, Playwright It’s no accident we often hear, “no pain,...
Episode 5 – The Power of Mentoring
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Episode 3 – The New Culture Model
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In this episode, Judy and her guest, Lynn Dornfeld, dig a little deeper into the new culture model from several different angles. What are the components to follow? What are the success criteria? What is a culture framework and why do you need one?
Honesty is the Best Policy – or is it?
“Failure of an employee to speak up in a crucial moment cannot be seen. This is true whether that employee is on the front lines of customer service or sitting next to you in the executive board room. And because not offering an idea is an invisible act, it’s...
Managing Frustrations in a Frustrating World
“Face challenges, fear, and frustration by seeking out knowledge and opportunities for growth.” ~ Fanny Mairena Today’s leaders must be powerful without entering into the fray caused by frustration. They must refrain from the all-to-often ugly,...
The Crucial Role of Honor, Dignity and Respect
“Do the best that you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou All one has to do is turn on the news or get on social media to see that honoring oneself and one another and treating oneself and others with dignity and respect are...
Advantages of Cross-Functional Teamwork
One of the biggest challenges leaders face, according to Deloitte, is organizational design. Specifically, redesigning their structures through teams. The line and block hierarchy found on a company org chart isn’t how work actually gets accomplished. Let’s face it,...
Emotional Presence: It’s Good Business!
“The affairs of the heart are directly connected to the brain and it’s theheart’s natural intelligence that must be unfolded for the brain to operate with greater efficiency.” Magical Child, Joseph Chilton Pearce, Plume, 1992 Imagine...
Encouragement vs. Praise
“Humans need encouragement much like plants need water… We constantly encourage or discourage those around us and thereby contribute materially to their greater or lesser ability to function.” Rudolf Dreikurs, Author, Psychologist Discouraged people are those most in...
Choose Helpful AND Harmless
“It always seems impossible until it is done” Nelson Mandela I often reflect on how many people are “checked out” at work, home, and school; they are suffering and barely surviving, rather than overcoming and thriving. The main reason for this...
The Need for Patience & Reassurance
“It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even – or rather, especially – when we’d prefer not to be.” Josh Radnor,...
Walking the Talk
“It is difficult to inspire others to accomplish what you haven’t been willing to try.” Confucius “It is my responsibility to do what inspires me, in order to inspire others to do what inspires them.” Tsepiso Makhubedu The holidays are a time we gather...
Don’t Hold Up Progress
“Success on any major scale requires you to accept responsibility . . . In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful people have is the ability to take on responsibility.” Michael Korda “Accountability separates the wishers in life...
Do You Have Faith In People’s Goodness?
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. Always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, and a heart that forgives the worst.” Martin Luther King, Jr You may be surprised to discover your answer might too often be...
What is Social Interest? Does it Matter?
Think of people you know and admire a lot. What qualities do you like most about them? How do they make you feel? Chances are they are people who banish inferiority feelings in others and cause a positive experience instead. They have social interest. “Inferiority...
Building Caring Connections
“Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Theodore Roosevelt “Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.” Harold Kushner I frequently meet people who want to experience...
You’re Not The Boss of Me!
“Trying to win a power struggle is like trying to win a nuclear war. You may achieve your goal, but not without catastrophic casualties on both sides.” Jamie Raser, Author of Raising Children You Can Live With A man I know refuses to wear his safety belt...
Being Trustworthy Isn’t Building Trust
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Stephen R. Covey I teach and consult on the importance of the following eight values that build trust: honesty,...
From Compliance to Commitment
“You get the best efforts from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within.” -Bob Nelson Compliance People used to think of the workplace in terms of the activities and behaviors that employees needed to perform well....
It Takes a Village
“Everybody in a village had a role to play in bringing up a child—and cherishing it—and in return that child would in due course feel responsible for everybody in that village. That is what makes life in society possible. We must love one another and help one another...
Are You a Leader Others Follow?
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” John Quincy Adams Your role is THE determining factor in whether you drive and sustain positive change What is YOUR transformation process...
1. Straightforwardness: Dare I Tell it Like It Is?
The most important relationship to manage is with our self. A trustworthy person practices honesty, straightforwardness, respect, receptivity, recognition, keeping commitments, seeking excellence and disclosure, the eight values that build trust. Straightforwardness...
2. Honesty: Don’t Play Others, Don’t Play You!
“When you face a choice between being polite and being honest, err on the side of the truth. It’s better to be disliked but respected than to be liked and disrespected. In the long run, the people we trust the most are those who have the courage to be sincere.” Adam...
3. Receptivity: Are You Receptive?
“Receptivity and sensitiveness are what makes one’s behavior endearing and enriching. Do not try to thrust your likes and dislikes on others. Try instead, to find out what those around would expect from you and where you can possibly contribute. Rather than...
4. Disclosure: Will You Show Us Who YOU Are?
“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” Brené Brown, Author, Speaker I teach eight values needed to build trust: honesty, straightforwardness, respect, receptivity, recognition, keeping commitments, seeking excellence and disclosure. Disclosure, the...
5. Respect: Valuing Unconditionally
“Respect yourself and others will respect you.” ― Confucius This article on respect is the seventh in my series on the eight values that build trust. I always pair the word respect with mutual because one is not possible without the other. In my work with...
6. Recognition: Why is Recognition Important To Trust?
“If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” Fred Rogers I have been...
8. Seeking Excellence: Are You All You Can Be?
“Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.” Aristotle Seeking excellence...
7. Follow-Through: Do I Mean What I Say?
“Intent without action will leave every word that I use to describe my intent as empty and best never said.” Craig D. Lounsbrough Imagine you ask someone to do something and they agree. You count on it, and then come to find they didn’t do it. How are you...
Are You Cultivating Excellence?
National research shows 29% of employees are engaged in excellence. They’re eager, willing, and personally responsible. The remaining 71% are mediocre or actively disengaged… Ghandi, Helen Keller, DaVinci, or simply a neighbor, friend or relative with qualities...
Reasons We Gossip & What To Do Instead
“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.” Steve Maraboli, Author, Life, the Truth, and Being Free Most people...
Kinds of People I Need
“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.” Harry Truman An important question to consider is, “What kinds of people do I need and want to achieve my mission and...
Are We Compatible?
Whether in business or personal relationships, a worthwhile question to ponder is what constitutes compatibility? I went to a lecture by Dr. Denbo, a local therapist, who posed this question. Most of the crowd said things like, “Common values,” “Common interests,” and...
Soul Mates
Like many of you, I’ve always wanted a soul mate – that wonderful partner who in their presence makes me feel connected and whole. The one who really gets me and who’s there for me through thick and thin, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in...
Can a Team-Hater Engage Employees?
by Julia Paulus (referencing Judy Ryan and LifeWork Systems) SBM, March 2010 I don’t like teams. Back in school, I hated classes when we had to do group projects. My group was always the one where a couple of people did nothing and still got the grade. The same...
What Does it Take to Build Trust?
I’ve delivered many team building workshops to corporations, schools and parent groups in which I focus on the behaviors that build trust and those that don’t. One behavior destructive to any team is gossip and part of my program is an invitation to enter a mind trust...
Better to Give Than Receive?
We often hear the phrase, “It’s better to give than receive” but is it true? The truth is, it just feels safer to give. Without equal ability to receive, a relationship is defined and limited by a certain amount of fear and withholding. I discovered the significance...
Connect to Your Light!
Recently, I took a self-imposed retreat to discover how to more fully operate from freedom, courage and joy. As women, unless the light of love is flowing fully in our family or in our intimate relationships, we’re not fulfilled because loving relationships are our...
Shift Enemies To Friends
Have you ever met someone you felt completely in sync with? Entrainment is a term used to express how the human body assumes a sympathetic response to stimuli much the way scientists have discovered that two heart cells put together in the same room begin to beat as...
Commitment
“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and...
Am I Selfish?
It’s important to ask, “What do I feel and what do I want?” When we neglect to take time to consider our choices we often commit self-betrayal, which then results in betrayal of others… A friend recently called me for advice. Every year her family eats a...
Organized Chaos on Purpose
As a child deeply in love with nature, living on the edge of a park, and the 5th child of 6, I knew a lot about chaos, the beautiful, free, creative and exhilarating kind. Starting out free to explore, school at age 5 felt like bitter confinement and at times crushing...
Did You Hear What I Meant to Say?
Have you ever thought you had an agreement or understanding with someone only to find you didn’t? You thought you were clear and direct in a request, and ended up disappointed. Or have you responded to a request, only to find someone frustrated with you? Could it be...