Being Seen, Heard, and Understood
Psychological safety, trauma-informed functioning, emotional intelligence, and mental health are common organizational focuses today. At the root of these are the need for a deep understanding and establishment of, conditions that foster peace, joy and love in people...
“I Don’t Feel Appreciated”
When I begin working with organizations, people frequently report that a significant challenge for them is a lack of appreciation. Leadership and front-line staff alike say they give their all and don’t always feel valued for their efforts. Many fear they are...
Shame: Don’t Kill the Messenger!
“Each and every time the grace of devastation enters our reality, we have an equal opportunity to either cement the falsehood of limiting beliefs or to allow limiting beliefs to melt away by walking through the fire of our most epic disaster.” Matt Kahn, Author of...
Do I Care Enough to Risk Losing You?
“Many of us live in denial of who we truly are because we fear losing someone or something-and there are times that if we don’t rock the boat, too often the one we lose is ourselves…It feels good to be accepted, loved, and approved of by others, but often...
Unresolved Psychological Contracts
“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate.” ― Miguel Ruiz, Author, The Four Agreements A psychological contract is beliefs people...
Complicity
“The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people, but the silence over that by the good people.” Martin Luther King, Jr. Someone cautioned me recently that I would offend people because I brought up toxic masculinity and that I should...
Manipulation
“Arriving at the destination is more than just having the map.” Judy Ryan, CEO LifeWork Systems Manipulation has gotten a bad rap. We often feel insulted and become defensive when we or someone we love is described as manipulative. The common belief is that...
Can Love Be Here Too?
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” —Brené Brown As I work with clients on their personal and professional development or help friends and family who are working through issues, I find many people push...
Mentoring to Develop Your People
“Your most important task as a leader is to teach people how to think and ask the right questions so that the world doesn’t go to hell if you take a day off” Jeffrey Pfeffer In our culture transformation model, a key concept is ongoing monthly mentoring to...
S.L.A.M. Say Less; Ask More
“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton, a novelist Many people confuse leading people with managing people and caring for or loving people with worry or concern for them. When we worry about another...
Why Ditch Annual Performance Appraisals
“You can motivate by fear, and you can motivate by reward. But both of those methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation.” Homer Rice, a former American football player, coach, and college athletics administrator Today one of my instructors...
Episode 7 – Game Changing Appreciative Inquiry
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Episode 5 – The Power of Mentoring
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Power Distance Index – Managing Relationships with Authority
“Some societies and religions have a tendency to expand the moral circle and to consider all humans as belonging to a single moral community.” Geert Hofstede, Social Psychologist I was re-reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers and he hit upon a theme I see a lot...
The Path (Back) to Being Authentic
“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their...
Honesty is the Best Policy – or is it?
“Failure of an employee to speak up in a crucial moment cannot be seen. This is true whether that employee is on the front lines of customer service or sitting next to you in the executive board room. And because not offering an idea is an invisible act, it’s...
Why Transparency CAN Become a Bloodbath
“Killers aren’t always assassins. Sometimes, they don’t even have blood on their hands.” ~ Ruta Sepetys, Author I once knew a school teacher who quit her job teaching 8th graders (which she loved) to work for my company transforming school cultures where...
Managing Frustrations in a Frustrating World
“Face challenges, fear, and frustration by seeking out knowledge and opportunities for growth.” ~ Fanny Mairena Today’s leaders must be powerful without entering into the fray caused by frustration. They must refrain from the all-to-often ugly,...
Discarding the Monster Box
“A man who picks up a cat by its tail will learn a lesson he can learn no other way.” ~ Mark Twain Your business will improve if you remember some important facts. One is that we are all more alike than different. The other is that we must all put away the monster...
Is Your Workplace Psychologically Safe?
“In general, only a child who feels safe dares to grow forward healthily. His safety needs must be gratified. He can’t be pushed ahead, because the ungratified safety needs will remain forever underground, always calling for satisfaction.” Abraham Maslow You see it...
Devil’s Advocate and Brutal Honesty
“Never play the Devil’s Advocate. Your words could be the difference between success and failure in someone else.” Ingrid Weir Too often I hear people say, “I’m going to play Devil’s advocate now” to which I quickly reply, “Please don’t. The Devil has too many...
When You Can’t Help or Fix A Relationship
Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus. ~ Unknown Sometimes we keep going to the circus because we don’t realize that’s where we are. Someone recently asked, “what would you tell a person going through a...
Your Secret Weapon: Informal Influencers
To get these influencers to model the desired behaviour, you need their buy-in. Gather them together for a closed-door session and explain why their role is crucial. Often, it just takes an open conversation to help them understand the new cultural changes. If they...
Advantages of Cross-Functional Teamwork
One of the biggest challenges leaders face, according to Deloitte, is organizational design. Specifically, redesigning their structures through teams. The line and block hierarchy found on a company org chart isn’t how work actually gets accomplished. Let’s face it,...
Emotional Presence: It’s Good Business!
“The affairs of the heart are directly connected to the brain and it’s theheart’s natural intelligence that must be unfolded for the brain to operate with greater efficiency.” Magical Child, Joseph Chilton Pearce, Plume, 1992 Imagine...
Encouragement vs. Praise
“Humans need encouragement much like plants need water… We constantly encourage or discourage those around us and thereby contribute materially to their greater or lesser ability to function.” Rudolf Dreikurs, Author, Psychologist Discouraged people are those most in...
Loved AND Lovable
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Elizabeth Appell In my work, I help people take the risk to blossom. I tell business leaders, employees, educators and parents that all people have...
Choose Helpful AND Harmless
“It always seems impossible until it is done” Nelson Mandela I often reflect on how many people are “checked out” at work, home, and school; they are suffering and barely surviving, rather than overcoming and thriving. The main reason for this...
Your Powerful Agreements
“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive –to be alive and express what we really are. Just being our self is the biggest fear of humans.” Don Miguel Ruiz “There is no neutral. We are either part of the...
I Can’t be a Good Boss & a Friend too
“To power up the whole system involves learning to bring the heart and mind into a creative joint venture. Heart intelligence supplies balanced strength and allows more of one’s individual spirit — the passionate actualization of one’s core values...
Cruelest Three Words: “Get Over It!”
“The purpose of all relationships is to create a sacred context within which you can express the fullness of who you are.” Neale Donald Walsh In my work, the greatest setbacks and arrested development of people is connected with a preponderance of...
The Need for Patience & Reassurance
“It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even – or rather, especially – when we’d prefer not to be.” Josh Radnor,...
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way” – “I Never Intended That…”
“If you own the story you get to write the ending.” Brene Brown “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.” George Bernard Shaw Why It’s Never Helpful to Say, “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way…” or “I Never...
What Does “I’m Right; You’re Wrong” Cost?
“Remember, we see the world not as it is but as we are. Most of us see through the eyes of our fears and our limiting beliefs and our false assumptions.” Robin S. Sharma “Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really...
You Make Sense & Deserve Compassion
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. Unknown What if you knew every reaction (and even what you fear are over-reactions) you experience is based on legitimate reasons and deserves caring attention and understanding...
Conducting Business From The Heart
When I speak of heart in this article, I am referring specifically to our heart’s purpose, inspired from within, deeply stirring us, leading us to take actions that matter most to us. In my work with clients, I find that many don’t have a clear idea about their...
Books Worth Reading
“Salvation is certainly among the reasons I read. Reading and writing have always pulled me out of the darkest experiences in my life. Stories have given me a place in which to lose myself. They have allowed me to remember. They have allowed me to forget. They have...
Building Caring Connections
“Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Theodore Roosevelt “Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.” Harold Kushner I frequently meet people who want to experience...
Is Your Social Media Socially Intelligent?
Enhance and Protect Your Brand and Reputation! Did you know, according to Jay Baer, marketing consultant and author, that: 42% of Americans who complain on social media expect a response within an hour? 24% expect a response within 30 minutes? 57% expect the same...
Rejuvenate Your Ho-Hum Meetings
“Meeting people in a genuine way and feeling like there is a vital and meaningful connection going on makes me come alive.” Sharon Salzberg, NY Times Best-Selling Author Staff meetings provide your employees a unique opportunity to experience four crucial...
Key to Your Joy: Honor Your Sensitivity
“To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness…Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.” Anthon St. Maarten, Author ...
Holding Others Accountable
“The committed heart finds a way. The uncommitted heart finds an excuse.” Unknown Your daughter or son agrees to complete a chore and you arrive home only to find it incomplete once again. You ask one of your employees to contribute an important section of your team...
Your Blueprint for Constructing Success
“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” – Henry David...
Being Trustworthy Isn’t Building Trust
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Stephen R. Covey I teach and consult on the importance of the following eight values that build trust: honesty,...
1. Straightforwardness: Dare I Tell it Like It Is?
The most important relationship to manage is with our self. A trustworthy person practices honesty, straightforwardness, respect, receptivity, recognition, keeping commitments, seeking excellence and disclosure, the eight values that build trust. Straightforwardness...
2. Honesty: Don’t Play Others, Don’t Play You!
“When you face a choice between being polite and being honest, err on the side of the truth. It’s better to be disliked but respected than to be liked and disrespected. In the long run, the people we trust the most are those who have the courage to be sincere.” Adam...
3. Receptivity: Are You Receptive?
“Receptivity and sensitiveness are what makes one’s behavior endearing and enriching. Do not try to thrust your likes and dislikes on others. Try instead, to find out what those around would expect from you and where you can possibly contribute. Rather than...
4. Disclosure: Will You Show Us Who YOU Are?
“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” Brené Brown, Author, Speaker I teach eight values needed to build trust: honesty, straightforwardness, respect, receptivity, recognition, keeping commitments, seeking excellence and disclosure. Disclosure, the...
5. Respect: Valuing Unconditionally
“Respect yourself and others will respect you.” ― Confucius This article on respect is the seventh in my series on the eight values that build trust. I always pair the word respect with mutual because one is not possible without the other. In my work with...
6. Recognition: Why is Recognition Important To Trust?
“If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” Fred Rogers I have been...
7. Follow-Through: Do I Mean What I Say?
“Intent without action will leave every word that I use to describe my intent as empty and best never said.” Craig D. Lounsbrough Imagine you ask someone to do something and they agree. You count on it, and then come to find they didn’t do it. How are you...
How Do I Deal With That Annoying Person?
“There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.” Mark Twain You know that person who cracks a joke at an inopportune moment? Taps their pen on the conference room desk? Stands at your door while you’re on the...
Reasons We Gossip & What To Do Instead
“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.” Steve Maraboli, Author, Life, the Truth, and Being Free Most people...
Who Do You Think You Are?!
Ever encounter those people you feel like asking, “Who died and made you God?” You resist supporting them, thinking and saying anything nice about or to them and even if you don’t generally gossip, they’re the ones you’re most likely to tear down (or rip apart!), and...
How to Emotionally Handle Terminations
by Julia Paulus (referencing Judy Ryan and LifeWork Systems) SBM, March 2010 Getting fired is obviously difficult for an employee. But firing someone is also hard for owners and managers – probably one of the hardest things they ever have to do. This is especially...
Can a Team-Hater Engage Employees?
by Julia Paulus (referencing Judy Ryan and LifeWork Systems) SBM, March 2010 I don’t like teams. Back in school, I hated classes when we had to do group projects. My group was always the one where a couple of people did nothing and still got the grade. The same...
Game-Changing Appreciative Inquiry
Imagine two scenarios both involving a couple struggling in their relationship and seeking marriage counseling. In the first instance, the couple is asked questions centering on their problems, including their origin and possible solutions. While this traditional...
What Does it Take to Build Trust?
I’ve delivered many team building workshops to corporations, schools and parent groups in which I focus on the behaviors that build trust and those that don’t. One behavior destructive to any team is gossip and part of my program is an invitation to enter a mind trust...
Shift Enemies To Friends
Have you ever met someone you felt completely in sync with? Entrainment is a term used to express how the human body assumes a sympathetic response to stimuli much the way scientists have discovered that two heart cells put together in the same room begin to beat as...
Pause, Breathe and Check In
Thich Nhat Hahn, a well- known author and Buddhist monk says we are reluctant to visit the home of our self because we are loath to face the pain, sadness and fear we might encounter there. It’s true those emotions are often present. He also says that if we...
The Biggest Loser
The show “The Biggest Loser” is very popular. In it we see men and women who are determined to make monumental changes and are willing to embrace new habits and significant personal discomfort to do so. When I recently asked one of my friends what they...
I Want. What Will I Do?
What do I want and what am I willing to do? These are powerful questions that make up the internal dialog of those who have embraced intrinsic motivation; the process of identifying and expressing what one most loves. These are questions of courage, exploration and...
Commitment
“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and...
Did You Hear What I Meant to Say?
Have you ever thought you had an agreement or understanding with someone only to find you didn’t? You thought you were clear and direct in a request, and ended up disappointed. Or have you responded to a request, only to find someone frustrated with you? Could it be...