Channel 4 TV Great Day St. Louis → on Redirecting Negative Behavior

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This TV interview describes redirect, a technique that provides an alternative to the harsh, permissive and bribing reactions common to people when faced with poor or counter-productive behavior.

Interview Transcript

welcome back to great day everybody so we all want to be happier and more positive people that’s kind of a no-brainer but it’s not always easy especially when the people around you aren’t very happy it’s easy to get pulled down today we’re learning how to turn negative energy into positive energy with award-winning consultant and life coach judy ryan judy nice to have you here thank you so we’re talking a little bit before the show and i i think it’s a fine line between recognizing that there’s negativity around you and succumbing to the negativity that’s right you tell us that we’ve gotta we have to be aware that it’s there because that’s the first step to turning it into something positive yes the first thing i ask people when i’m talking about this subject is i say take a minute and look at what you think say and do when people annoy and irritate you when they make you angry when they hurt you when they do things that concern you or when they make you shake your confidence and a lot of times we’re not noticing whether what we’re doing is even helping so there’s a lot of really good reasons why we misbehave and it’s mainly because we don’t feel empowered in our life we don’t feel lovable we don’t feel connected and we don’t feel contributing and when we don’t feel any of those that’s the root of it now those four things you just mentioned are what you call the core needs that we all have and again that was empowered lovable connected and contributed yes and when we feel one or more of those is lacking that’s when we start to misbehave yes yes i mean that’s how we’re more alike than different like if you even think of a drug dealer on the street corner maybe the first place they felt empowered or connected was in a gang and they’ll override their conscience and even their um fear of being punished because they need those needs are so deep in us so we have to recognize that that’s happening and i think it’s fascinating that you say we’ve got to think about how we respond to that yes because you can turn it into a positive or you can just kind of continue in that negative tailspin yes when somebody’s misbehaving it actually draws us in to their discouragement unless we’re conscious and we’re on top of it we want to commiserate sort of we want to share in the misery a little bit all right so practical tips for redirecting that negative energy and turning it into something good well one of the things that’s important to know about redirect is that there’s there’s not a one-size-fits-all way to deal with misbehavior it’d be like if you went to a doctor and he said you said you had a sore throat and he just gave you an antibiotic it might help you but if you had just been at a cardinal game the night before that wouldn’t be the answer and so there’s lots of reasons like if you think about let’s say a teenager isn’t doing their homework and it could be that one of the goals behind them not doing their homework is and these are usually subconscious goals is that they get attention from somebody if they don’t do that homework right but it could also be that they’re a different goal completely different goal would be that they’re trying to overpower someone by this uh a response of no i no i won’t you can’t make me so that might be for power that’s the power um or it could be that if i don’t do this homework it could hurt somebody i could hurt somebody’s feelings and i want to get back at somebody and that’s the goal of revenge and it could be that um maybe i don’t feel like i’m able to do the homework i actually believe i’m inadequate to it or it could be that i’m trying to prove that i’m more special than other people so you see there’s like five different completely different goals and each of them actually would be handled very differently but one thing maybe that might be universal is to just sort of step back you say take a breath consider the situation and consider how you’re going to respond yes it just if i always tell people if you do nothing else do no harm so don’t add more discouragement to the mix and then also try to just um bring up in your environment and in yourself things that make you feel empowered lovable connected and contributing so back to those four core names again right think about how you can build those up inside yourself it’s almost the opposite of what we would normally do but it’s kind of the the a good analogy for this would be you know how when we’re little kids and a dog comes charging up to us we’re taught to stand still and relax our body that doesn’t feel natural no it doesn’t but it actually is the way that we make friends with that dog and um turn around a situation and in a sense um redirecting negative behavior is like that you have to do what almost doesn’t feel natural and that’ll that’s difficult that’s a that’s sort of a brain chemistry changing thing it really is it’s good stuff i feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg and really it is thank you so much for being here for more information judy’s got a great website on redirecting negative behavior and we’ve posted a link to it on our website thanks again thank you so much

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